Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Don't judge me

You can't judge a book by it's cover so don't judge a chick by her body

A disabled person placard.  It's mine.  Just got it today.  At first I was really looking forward to getting one when the doctor reminded me that I would be able to do more because I could park closer and not waste my energy in the parking lot.  But it says disabled person.  That's not me.  That's definitely not what I want.  The kids were really excited about it though because they are lazy.  If they could be carried everywhere, they would. {They are actually really looking forward to the day I get a wheelchair so they can get a ride}  I decided I would go ahead and get it and only use it when I absolutely needed it.  {Like when there is no parking or we are going to Disneyland} Just kidding, sort of.  My husband reminded me that it sucks to have a disease so I should at least enjoy the perks.  Today, I did not see it as a perk.  I was embarrassed.  I used my disabled person placard when I went to Target.  I was exhausted and knew I had to walk to the other side of the store.  I pulled my SUV into that front parking spot, took a deep breath and got my healthy looking body out of the car while helping my son hop out.  I was nervous.  I was afraid of what other people were going to think or say.  A tiny voice in my head told me not to care.  But I do care.  I look so healthy on the outside even though the inside of me crumbling. 

See, that's me today.  Not looking disabled am I?  Well, a man and women walked past my car as we were getting out and they whispered something.  Yes, this could have been me being paranoid but then when they got further away they stopped, turned around, pointed at me and said something.  Even though I was expecting to get looks, I wasn't expecting the negativity.  I said absolutely nothing to them.  But I wanted to.  I wanted to tell them that 2 years ago I parked in the furthest spot from the door because that is how I got my exercise.  I wanted to tell them that I have a disease that is destroying my muscles and I do not want to park there.  I did not wish for this nor would I wish it upon anyone.  It sucks.  I may just start wearing a sign around my neck that says "Please don't judge, I have a neuromuscular disease.  Ask me questions"  I may walk easily into the store but shuffle out.  I never know.  Today, my leg gave out right in the parking lot.  And then many more times in the store.  I had a strong grip on that shopping cart as I slowly made my way around the store.  I realized today that my Target shopping days are limited.  I know that whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger and  I now understand why the elderly are so wise.  If they made it that far, they have so much strength, knowledge and love. 
 How perfect is this one:

{2 corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.}

My Angels today 
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

I would much rather spend my days at home all day with these 2

And this one

Ever see anything sweeter?

Have a beautiful, blessed Tuesday!


  1. Karen,
    My mom alway had a handicap place card when we were growing up. She looked fine, but her lupus was destroying her. Thanks for reminding everyone to remain sensitive and less judgmental. Girl, let me know when you need help with Target runs! I am there once a week and would be happy to get things for you.

  2. This post spoke so much. I don't fully pay attention to those front "Disabled" spots, but parking lot drivers can really spark some of my greatest pet peeves. But what you wrote spoke so real to humble this heart of mine. You are indeed gorgeous, and I'm sure you're gorgeous on the inside too, but with such a hidden disease, what a life you'll continue to live. But this post rang sweet, and your outlook, even honest, is encouraging!

  3. You are beautiful.. just beautiful. This made me stop and think about so much. We just never know what someone is going through/ or illness they're struggling with on the inside. :)

  4. oh, sweet karen.
    sorry for the negative response you dealt with. it is an uncomfortable place to be, press on and keep looking to jesus. praying for strength in your body and spirit today!
    love you! xo
    psalm 54:4

  5. my mother-in-law has MS. it's hard to watch someone you love unable to do things, not because they don't want to, but simply because they can't.
    i admire your strength and drive to keep going.
    i'm sure it's not easy, but don't let a parking pass or the people watching you get you down.
    ...you're absolutely right, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.


  6. Karen...Have I told you how amazing I think you are?? Let people talk, I know it is easier said than done, but you have an awesome family, great friends, and a God that loves you :)

  7. I'm physically disabled also but don't at all look it so I do know EXACTLY how you feel. I had a massive heart attack at 29 yrs old that left me with only a small portion of my heart working. The rest is dead. I'm lucky to be here still and lucky to be alive but just doing normal every day activities is hard on me.

    I hate the looks I get when I say I can't load things in or out of my car when I look totally normal and so for that reason I never got the disabled placard my doctor recommended I get.

    Good for you for doing that and helping yourself!!

  8. You are gorgeous!!

    And you know, God will use you through this. Nevermind what those docs tell you, I can see that you're one strong Mama!

  9. Love you Karen- thanks for the reminder to not judge others. Just think of how much stronger you are and will continue to grow in Spirit as you struggle through this nasty disease. Bad things happen to awesome people and you are such a source of strength to me. Love you and really hope I get to see you soon. I need to plan another get together sooner than later. xoxo

  10. thank you for the wonderful reminder :) Bless your heart!

  11. Thanks for sharing from your heart and opening our eyes ... such beautiful honesty.

  12. Wow, this was a beautiful post. You are stunning in and out. Praying for you xo

  13. After pretty much crying through the whole post, here is where I'm at...at the 'end of the day' you (unfortunatly) NEED the placard, it sucks beyond belief, but you do. Mom's need to run errands...way more than everyone else...and you need all the help you can get, period! Ignore those (I have to include myself in the 'those people' (well not anymore)) people pointing and whispering...you NEED this one small help, use it with thanks. (I've been wanting to type...and flip off anyone that gives you crap...but have held back...oh wait I just typed it!). ; )
    Do it for your family, think of it this way...reserving what strength you have, walking into store from handicapped spot versus BFE parking spot...will help you love on your kids/husband more...and that is worth the looks. (or as in the case today, it will give you enough strength to get back to your car...and safely drive home.)

    Hang in there and know lots of people are praying daily for you.

    Keep in mind if we ever go to Wild animal park or zoo together...we're totally taking your car(well at least your placard!!)! LOL! (Sorry couldn't help myself, I hope your spirits are higher than when you posted. Speaking of that...have a great spa day tomorrow!! And use your freaking placard, their parking lot is huge!!)

  14. Try and ignore the negativity by people who have no clue...You're always going to run into that type.
    Hope you had a lovely shopping trip to Target!! And you, & your neighbourhood look really lovely :)

  15. Karen just know that the disease does Not define you. Who cares what people think keep your head up and embrace life for what it is....Beautiful. I think the most important is that we don't judge what is on the outside of a person it means nothing. You know.
    Praying for you!
    I haven't been in the blogsphere in a while how did the biopsy turn out?

  16. Karen, you are an amazing, remarkable & admirable woman. I wish I could hug you! Praying & thinking about you today.


  17. wow... amazing post. don't worry about the people, they'll always have something to say no matter what. praying for every muscle in your body to be restored and that any disease will disappear, in the name of Jesus.


    p.s your dogs are so cute. the little one looks like a sweet cartoon character. love it

  18. thank you for sharing this Karen! I can honestly say that is a situation I've have never thought about. I can understand why you would feel nervous, because people DO judge. We can always rest in the fact that God knows our heart. I will be praying for you and am so grateful to you for linking up and showing your strentgh.

  19. I'm so glad you blog! What an inspiration you are to MANY!
    Love the 3rd pic with the littles...I'm a sucker for a good sky pic any day! Oh & the 2nd pic 'cause you're one gorgeous girlie!

  20. Awh, my heart hurts from this post- one because people are cruel, and from what I can tell- you don't deserve this at all. Plus, it's also a very similar parallel to my own life- not looking sick when you're sick.

    It takes a lot of courage to do what's best for you. We always want to push through and just deal with it, instead of giving our bodies the break they need sometimes. Having a parking sticker isn't a defeat, it's an intelligent decision that will reward you with energy for your kids. God will deal with judging individuals in His time.

    I'm a new follower as of today & so glad that I found your blog. :) All the best to you & your family. MademoiselleMichael

  21. Karen I know I don't respond to much but I love to read all your beautiful inspirations & pics. This one caught my eye because it happened to me even though i have nothing wrong. When I drive my mom (who is disabled. & a cancer survivor) & kids around. we park in disabled parking we have got a couple rude comments & I am very quiet & reserved, but when it comes to my family I am a little more outspoken, so I did put them in there place just for peace of mind at that moment I guess. It's funny how the older I get the less judgement on anyone I have. None of us know what any of us have to endure in life. You are beautiful with always an amazing smile & you get how precious life is. Some people haven't quite figured that out yet. Their energy is placed elsewhere. Good for you & always chin up. I know it's gotta be the hardest thing of all.

  22. is that a jack russell you have?? he looks so similar to my jack

  23. I'm a friend of your cousin Rebecca. I saw a link to your blog on her facebook page that sent me to this post. I started crying when I read "Please don't judge, I have a neuromuscular disease. Ask me questions". I feel the exact same way. I too have a neuromuscular disease (MG) and also recently got a handicap placard. I also am young and look healthy. The worst for me is having to use a wheelchair in the airport. People stare, people assume I am lazy or I just want to cut the line at security. What they don't know is I would give so much to be strong enough to stand in that line. To be strong enough to walk the length of an airport without my muscles failing. I get it, is what I'm trying to say. And on the upside, at least we don't have to pay for metered parking anymore ;)


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