And then, after you become sick, the invites stop again. Another assumption that you won't be up for a night out to dinner. This might or might not be true, but the decision should always be yours. It hurts when someone slips up and talks about a great night out or when the family all got together and you didn't even get a phone call. It hurts bad to just stop being included all together. This keeps happening to us. The first several times were fine. I totally get it. They were trying to not inconvenience us or add too much to our plate. But now it hurts. It hurts to not be included, especially because this is the new us. We are accepting our new lifestyle which has forced us to slow down a little bit. We are enjoying the beautiful moments we have together but are missing other moments because of it. I'm not sure if it is out of fear, or because we have become an inconvenience? Are we causing tension because we can't roll like we used to so it's easier for others to ignore us instead of adapt? I'm not sure but what I do know is that people look at us different now.
Things have changed.
I was talking to my husband about it and he said he has noticed it too. He is such a social guy and for him to not get invited places because of me hurts. He won't ever say it though. He said, "Things have changed. There's nothing we can do about it. You can cry but that won't change anything." So I quickly wiped away the tear that was running down my face and realized that together, we really do have a new life.
People will run. They will run to you or they will run away from you. I have had my family, friends, husbands co-workers, and neighbors at my side through all of this. I have had the most delicious dinners dropped off at my house. I have had so much help, love, prayers and support from my angels. I know these people will always be there for us. Grateful isn't even a strong enough word to express my appreciation for them. I know that God will lift us and those around us.
I have spent the last couple of years living in a place of such high hope that the doctors would tell me of a great cure, or maybe one day I would wake up and feel better. I would be back to my healthy days and able to do what I used to do. I still think one day I will be walking up to the park and running around with the kids but as time goes by and things get worse, not better, the hope dwindles. Don't get me wrong here. There is still so much I CAN do and so much good health that I DO have but I really would like to be back to 100%. Heck, I'll take 80%. I don't want every thought to be, can I walk that far or should I bring my chair? I really like my doctors, but I don't want to see them every few weeks...unless they made house calls.
Things have changed and it is time to accept it and move on. Keep on living but in a different season. I'm excited to see how God will use this for our family.