Monday, March 19, 2012

things have changed

After you have a baby, especially when you are the first of your group to have a baby, things change.  You make new mommy friends that can understand your new life and your single friends might stop inviting you to go places.  It's assumed you don't want to go out, or maybe the other people would rather not have a screaming colicky baby around.  Either way, things change.  And that's ok, because it's a new season.

And then, after you become sick, the invites stop again.  Another assumption that you won't be up for a night out to dinner.  This might or might not be true, but the decision should always be yours.  It hurts when someone slips up and talks about a great night out or when the family all got together and you didn't even get a phone call.  It hurts bad to just stop being included all together.  This keeps happening to us.  The first several times were fine.  I totally get it.  They were trying to not inconvenience us or add too much to our plate.  But now it hurts.  It hurts to not be included, especially because this is the new us.  We are accepting our new lifestyle which has forced us to slow down a little bit.  We are enjoying the beautiful moments we have together but are missing other moments because of it.  I'm not sure if it is out of fear, or because we have become an inconvenience?  Are we causing tension because we can't roll like we used to so it's easier for others to ignore us instead of adapt?  I'm not sure but what I do know is that people look at us different now.

Things have changed.

I was talking to my husband about it and he said he has noticed it too.  He is such a social guy and for him to not get invited places because of me hurts.  He won't ever say it though.  He said, "Things have changed.  There's nothing we can do about it.  You can cry but that won't change anything."  So I quickly wiped away the tear that was running down my face and realized that together, we really do have a new life.

People will run.  They will run to you or they will run away from you.  I have had my family, friends, husbands co-workers, and neighbors at my side through all of this.  I have had the most delicious dinners dropped off at my house.  I have had so much help, love, prayers and support from my angels.  I know these people will always be there for us.  Grateful isn't even a strong enough word to express my appreciation for them.  I know that God will lift us and those around us.

I have spent the last couple of years living in a place of such high hope that the doctors would tell me of a great cure, or maybe one day I would wake up and feel better.  I would be back to my healthy days and able to do what I used to do.  I still think one day I will be walking up to the park and running around with the kids but as time goes by and things get worse, not better, the hope dwindles.  Don't get me wrong here.  There is still so much I CAN do and so much good health that I DO have but I really would like to be back to 100%.  Heck, I'll take 80%.  I don't want every thought to be, can I walk that far or should I bring my chair?  I really like my doctors, but I don't want to see them every few weeks...unless they made house calls.

Things have changed and it is time to accept it and move on.  Keep on living but in a different season.  I'm excited to see how God will use this for our family.



  1. love that verse karen, such a great comfort He provides! it suxs that things have changed and people won't give you the option to turn them down, they just assume. when things change i think to myself that friends are in my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. maybe that doesn't give comfort, but He always will

  2. Newest follower from "Blog Hop" link up. My heart aches for you, I will keep you in my prayers.

  3. karen,
    i love how you are real and truthful about things, but yet have this amazing perspective and you keep your chin up! it is awe inspiring!!! praying that this season of life provides healing and lots of love and blessings for you and your family...
    much love,
    Maggie :)

  4. Karen my heart is with you always. After I had my first miscarriage I stopped getting invited to all of my friends baby showers and their children's birthday parties they thought it would hurt me. What hurt was not being invited and I finally had to tell them. Because it should be your choice. Hang in their friend.
    God has a certainly has a plan for you.

  5. Thinking of you today...I hope those around you find a way to embrace your new season, and may you find comfort and peace with your family during this time.

  6. I think of you always. I'm one of those single friends that had all her best friends have babies right in a row... they stopped inviting me to things because life is different now. My heart aches that you aren't included in things.. a simple, "Hey, would you like to.." would suffice I think. Just an invite would make you feel better... even if you didn't feel up to going. Praying for you always pretty lady.

    ps. you were following me when I was Gorgeous in Wonderland... I recently changed my link to so you'll have to refollow me at the new link :) its been such a mess.

  7. Now you know I totally know what you mean and it DOES hurt. It really does. You know who is the worst one for me on the not adapting front? And this will sound weird... but it's my mom. Can you believe that? I think it's because she doesn't want to accept that something bad happened to me and that I can't have a "normal" life now.

    I'm grateful, like you are, for the friends and family who do want to change and adapt with me and for the ones who don't? I tolerate it if they are family and if they are friends.... well, they aren't my friends anymore.

    And it does hurt. I know how you feel.

  8. Oh Karen, this saddened me when I read it. How could anyone not want you or your gorgeous family around them? Just through your blog alone I feel you are an inspriration, a positive, happy person with a smile that would knock anyone off their feet! I do believe in the seasons as well, and just remember, that for every door that closes, a new one opens...xo

  9. I am so glad to know I am not the only person wHo has felt this way.

  10. I am so sorry, Karen. I know what you mean about things changing, but to be not included hurts so much. You never know why people are not including you and how they are feeling because sometimes people just don't talk about it. I recently reached a place like that with a friend and I just had to learn to let go, as hard it was. Thanks for sharing what is on your heart.

  11. We particularly experienced this the year of Kevin's cancer treatment. It does hurt even though no one is intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. I am glad you shared and I'm glad you know that there are so many others who do love you guys and want to remain a close part of your lives. : ) Hugs!

  12. Hugs from the East Coast.

    I'm going to have a huge party. It will be expensive. I will hire a PR Manager to tell EVERYONE about it. There's even going to be a photobooth.

    And then I'm only going to invite your family, my family, and Prince Harry (obviously he would want to be there for me). And then I'm going to post a million photos on facebook so everyone will be totes jealz. BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T INVITED.

    Yep. How do you like THEM apples.

  13. Umm can I just invite myself to the party above with the Prince? I mean what's one more friend :).


  14. Saying “HI” from the Blog Hop! I’m already a follower and LOVE your blog. ^_^

  15. i read this a few days ago but it wouldnt let me comment from my phone, so here I am. I love you girl and love your heart. I too understand the changing seasons...weve experienced a lot of this too...for lots of reasons...because of money problems, because of loss we were dealing with, because of sickness, and now because we have little ones. it sucks to feel that seclusion, but i also have to believe that the Lord has BETTER for us...and HE really has brought us even better more fulfilling relationships now, which I wouldnt trade for anything. love you girl, Im here for you!!!

  16. I think as we go through different phases in our lives, our relationships change. It is normal for people to seek out those who they have the most in common with. Fortunately, this new journey has brought new friends into your lives as well. Maybe some of your friends don't know how to relate right now. If they are very important to you, perhaps you could reach out and share your feelings with them. If they are not as important, then just see what happens. In time, they may find their way back. If not, there will be new people in your life to focus on. Hugs!!

  17. That's really tough. It hurts to feel rejected or excluded by your friends and family. It's espeically difficult because you didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault you are sick. I think you've approached this with the right attitude. I just saw this quote "Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you." For some reason this really helped me with some of my own issues. The right people will love you and include you. You are entering a new season of life and I pray that you will find people to surround you and encourage you. I'm still very sorry that it hurts. We're still human with feelings and emotions.

  18. i'm sure this hurts. i just want to hug you & beg you to go thrifting with me. since, i don't have alot of friends with common interest around here. i pray this upon you & your family - Romans 8:28. i just wish sometimes we could see the beautiful tapestry He is weaving from the top, instead of the tangled knotted underside.
    love you beautiful lady.
    PS ~ your hair is getting really long also. :)

  19. I am a new follower and my heart breaks for you. I have been through friends and family making themselves distant through my husband’s deployment last year to Afghanistan. I was heartbroken that the people that said they would help me through that time didn't show up. We lost many friends through that time but I believe we are better for it. I pray that the people that are distancing themselves from you and your lovely family find clarity in their choices and realize that now is the time you need them the most. I found my greatest strength in our little boy. He was a blessing in disguise for me. Blessing to you and your family and you are in my prayers.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...