Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I push myself


From the title you are probably thinking I am going to write about how I push myself to do my best, do more, and go go go.  But that's not where I am going with it today.  I want to tell you a little about how I feel physically on a daily basis.
You know when you hold your breath for as long as you can and then breathe again but you sort of have to play catch up.  You become a little out of breath because you pushed yourself by holding your breath.  I get that when I talk too much.
You know when you have been out dancing until 3:00 a.m and your feet and legs are killing you?  All you want to do is take a warm shower and lay down to sleep for the next 12 hours?  You've pushed your body to the max.  I get that after standing for over 5 minutes at a time.  And then I start to feel nauseous because I've over done it.
You know when you skip breakfast and maybe even lunch and you get shakey?  You might feel like you are starving and just need to eat something?  That could happen in as little as 30 minutes after I eat.  My blood sugar has a mind of its own and I have no idea how to control it.
Some nights I'm afraid to fall asleep because when I close my eyes I see strobe lights and get a weird sensation throughout my body.  I've always woken up so really there's no need to be afraid.
My energy gets zapped out of me daily leaving me with the feeling of over doing it.  By the end of the day, when I am taking a hot shower or soaking in a warm tub I realize I have once again pushed myself.  Living my life with this chronic illness is exhausting but that's ok.  It's something that will stick around for a long time but it's also something I don't suffer constantly from.  I can't begin to tell you how lucky I am and how healthy I feel most of the time.  I have so many things that could be wrong but are not.  I wake up each morning feeling refreshed and ready to take on the next day and push myself through it.
Some days I feel great, and I live a real life.  This past Sunday, I felt GREAT!  We started our day with church and headed straight to the beach afterwards.  We met up with some wonderful friends and had such a great time.


 So. Cal in the winter = crowded beaches



We live.  We laugh.  And we love.



16 comments:

  1. You "pushed" me just now to look at my blessings that I so often take for granted...like talking and standing and dancing. You really are an encouragement for so many Karen. I know the Lord is being glorified through this journey He has designed for you to walk in...even so, I'm praying for you to be strengthened today..physically and in your heart.
    love you
    xx

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  2. girl. I know it sounds crazy because we dont talk much and hardly know each other, but when I was up nursing Bethany last night and like completely groggy, the Lord put you on my heart to pray for. I was totally planning on emailing you today so I clicked on your blog to find your email address and read this post, confirming that He had put you on my heart to pray for, as you list out all that you deal with on a daily basis. I think of you often and I pray for you a lot, for relief in the physical and emotional. I really do. I dont know you at all except through this blog world, but my heart feels so connected to pray for you and ask for healing and relief. anyways, just wanted you to know that I love you and intercede for you girl.

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  3. I'm so glad you had a great day! I'm praying that you continue to have more and more great days. You are one strong mama!

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  4. stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to leave you a little blog luv! Def enjoyed reading this post!!

    http://infinitelifefitness.com
    http://mscomposure.blogspot.com

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  5. You are such a champ!!! Loving those "winter" photos :)

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  6. thanks for sharing your realness. lifting you up in prayer and praising with you for the great sunday!!
    <3

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  7. HI Karen, It's Brienne from ESS :) I have been seeing your posts on facebook and went to your blog today to see what it was all about...and wow was I surprised. You have always been such a beautiful person it is wonderful to see your strength and spirit thrive during such hardship. Thank you for reminding us all of the thousands of blessings that we are given everyday and for remembering your own during such physical difficulty. I admire you beyond words and we will be praying for you and your family.

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  8. Karen, I am glad to hear you had such a great day and got to soak up some of that sun. You always amaze me with your grace, strength and courage. You also remind me to remember to always count my blessings, for we all have so much to be thankful for.

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  9. I hear you. I'm always grateful for the days I'm feeling extra good and my knots aren't hurting so bad. Also grateful its just that. It could be so much worse.

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  10. I was just thinking you last night wondering how you are doing. I can't imagine going through what you do on a daily basis. I do see how God is totally helping you push through fear and to rely on him and to trust. I would be freaked out honestly. I always am inspired by you and your journey. Thanks for sharing Karen. Praying for more great days ahead. :) xoxo

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  11. It was so good seeing you on Sunday. I'm glad it was a good day for you and that you were able to get out and enjoy the day with family and friends.

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  12. love you.... and your playlist! :) i got to enjoy "down to the river" as i read your blog. you are one special lady. love you lots!!! cant wait to the next time we get to see eachother. each time our families are together is such a special time!

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  13. I'm glad that you had a good day. Sunday sounds like a blessing. Praying for you.

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  14. Glad you had a great day at the beach. I am glad you see the positive and the beauty in everything, you are an inspiration to many xo

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  15. You know I feel your pain in the same but different way and I'm walking your walk with you.... although you're on a steeper incline than I am right now. I've been at that incline though and as long as you keep a slow and steady pace Karen you'll reach the crest an sail on down the other side...... you'll see!!

    I love your posts you know.... they really make me smile.... you are such a cool lady!

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  16. Karen,
    You are so beautiful inside and out. I wish I could find the inner strength that you have. You are wonderfully strong. If we can help in any way, let us know. We love you all very much.
    Aunt Brenda & Uncle Matthew

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