Saturday, September 24, 2011

Expectations

A few years ago a friend of mine was saying she needed to lower her expectations for her family.  My head cocked sideways as if to say, "I don't quite understand".  Lower your expectations?  What does that even mean?  You have expectations?  But now I get it.  What I expect doesn't happen.  I expect to leave for the grocery store and come home to a clean house, but I don't.  I expect to sleep all night and not have someone or something wake me up, but I don't.  I expect to have patience when I'm about to loose it, but I don't.  Because I can't physically do all the things I used to, I have to lower my expectations.  But I don't. I too have high expectations of my family.  I used to run up and down the stairs carrying several loads of laundry with out a problem.  I would vacuum with a child on my back and then go outside to mow the lawn {with child still on my back} just so my husband wouldn't have to do it on his day off.  I would then go wash my car because I love having a clean car and I would do my best to keep my house clean because to ME, a clean house keeps me at ease.  It's one of those things where I can't relax unless it's all done.  I used to want floors that could be eaten off of but now I just want floors that don't crunch when I walk on them.  My husbands philosphy is why clean them when they are just going to get dirty again?  This is where I have to lower my expectations.  If I can't get the job done and I can't pay for someone to do the work for me, I have to accept that the life I had before {where I did it all myself} is gone.  Gone with the wind, taken out with the trash, won't be back no more no more no more.  Accept that my butt!!  Nope, instead I throw a fit and yell at everyone to clean up and do their own laundry and pick their stuff up.  I am patient for so long until I snap.  This morning, I snapped.  I was supposed to be staying in bed today, but instead my husband had to work over time.  A bitter sweet.  Sweet for the obvious financial reasons but bitter because I wanted this break like nobody's business.  I should lower my expectations.  I should not have had high hopes for sleep, a day of relaxing.  If I didn't expect it, I wouldn't be feeling so overwhelmed.  But I am.  I snapped at the kids and yelled so loud that I'm pretty sure the neighbors were all outside listening.  In the meantime...


this cutie was peeing on the carpet


As I was cleaning her mess the kids were in Alexis' room when I heard them scream for me.


This is what happened.  They were putting their laundry away like I had asked {demanded, whatever} and her dresser fell over.  I am so thankful they were not standing in harms way and I took this as a HUGE wake up call.  Lower my freaking expecations.  Got it!!  I'm going with the flow {for the rest of the day anyway}.  The house will stay a mess and I will get over it... eventually.

The day became wonderful as it always does.  I met a wonderful person at dog training and she helped me with Freedom and her now infected incision.  My dad was a huge help as always and stayed with the kids and the day just became bright.  I slowed down.  All I needed to do was take a deep breath and feel good.  One simple thing we can all do and it works so well.  That deep appreciative breath I took calmed me down and turned my day around.  I get to spend the rest of the day with just the kids and dogs and do nothing but love on them. The bitter is gone and I am feeling the sweet of my husband working hard for our family {and the cute outfit I just bought, shh don't tell him}  Shoot, he reads these blogs :) Love you honey and everything you do for us!!

12 comments:

  1. Oh how I wish the days of having high expectations were fewer for me. I have a dresser very similar to yours and it has tipped over more than once. (And it is my two year old instead of a dog that is making puddles on the floor.) Thanks for the reminder to appreciate what is given instead of being angry at what is not.

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  2. oh friend aren't these kind of day just part of being a parent...lol. Last week my daughter broke a plate after I asked her not to touch it...I sent my kids out on the back porch so I could clean up the glass...when my son knocked over a plant holder and broke that...glass and dirt everywhere ;)

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  3. I couldn't have said it better than Charlotte, myself! Except the child making puddles on the floor part! ;)
    I removed our living room carpet...by myself a few years ago. The dog exploded & it was either pay someone to clean it or take it out. I chose take it out....kinda worked in my favor, since I wanted hard wood floors anyway (the floors underneath were beautiful)!
    Thanks for being such an encouragement to us gals! :)

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  4. I don't even had kids yet, but I definitely feel like this sometimes! Working full time AND overtime leaves me with little time for housework some days. Thanks for sharing your wake up call! I'm glad the kids were okay after the dresser fell!

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  5. Oh that dresser!!! I've been there. So glad you were able to turn your day around. : )

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  6. Karen, I was just looking you up cause I was thinking of you and wanted to send you a little hello. I saw this post and I can totally relate! I feel for you more. My every day can look like that except it's my toddler and preschooler peeing everywhere and behind my back while I"m doing stuff (cleaning up after them) they are in their room climbing on the closet system my mom installed and breaking it, climbing into the baby's crib (she doesn't sleep in it - lucky thing) and breaking it. As well as the window treatments in their room, our room the living room.... ugghhh, it can all be too much!!! I did a post about something like this and my lesson was to take time out to focus on the moment and not be in a rush to have things the way I think they need to be, slow down and be present with the girls and take those times to teach them the right way instead of losing it with them. I'm glad I had a little twinge in my heart to see what you were up to today, you helped me to have the reminder to lower my expectations and take my days for what they are and enjoy the moment. :) Hope you're doing well.

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  7. Holy mackeral--this is the exact reason I'm scared to have kiddos, I must admit. Maybe it's because I still like having the time to myself? I don't know! What do I know? That you're clearly a SUPER mom--and take days like that one and realize you are so much better than you give yourself credit for! I promise :) Hope your weekend has been a little brighter! xoxo {av}

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  8. I completely relate to this post and I thank you for sharing it :)
    I have those moments, and I need to lower my expectations of the house ever being the way it was once upon a time. It's hard to do, absolutely. Today I ranted a bit and then I stopped and tickled my 8 year old to the ground. Everything felt better after 'letting it go', and having a laugh, no-one wins otherwise.

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  9. Maybe I will get there someday..I don't sleep until I know the house is completely clean by the end of the day..lol..and the dresser..well yesterday my son put the dog on the leash and walked her around the house..he then took her to his room and put the leash in the nightstand drawer so she wouldn't "run away"..she of course tried to leave and tipped the nightstand with the lamp on it on to the flat screen tv..woah..luckily nothing broke..but he was just so cute I couldn't get mad at him..he really didn't know that would happen..and that's when I lower my expectations. Thank you for this post :)

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  10. One of my favorite quotes (from Voltaire, of all people) is "The perfect is the enemy of the good." It's a great reminder that we are often so tempted to wish for something better or to try to be perfect, but sometimes good enough is good enough. I had a similar experience over the weekend--everything went wrong: I cut my hand on a shattered wine glass, the lawnmower and sump pump stopped working and it felt like I was never going to get the water out of the basement. But today, I realize it's OK. These things happen, and the more I think about how imperfect it makes me, the more I realize I wasn't perfect to begin with.

    Oh, and my mom always tells me that God makes puppies so cute so we don't want to hurt them when they misbehave. She'll grow out of it eventually. :)

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  11. Oh I can so relate to what you are saying here and I don't even have kids to add to it all. I used to be on the gogogo too doing everything and now I can't. I can't do any of those things that you said you can't do either.... so I completely know what you mean. I had to really lower my expectations too.

    I love that I can relate to you with our life issues.... I'm so happy I found your blog! You don't happen to live in Texas do you? ;)

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  12. i could not agree more on so many levels. thanks for sharing your heart.

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