Hope in the midst of frustration

"God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us...can see a possibility of hope"

Maya Angelou

It has been 20 days since I began taking my "mito-cocktail" and unfortunately I am actually feeling worse, significantly worse. There have been more "bad" days than "good" days lately which is really frightening. I have become intolerant to the heat and get sexy rashes on my legs.

I realize some of you may not think this looks sexy, but that is your opinion. When I am outside and at the weather is below 65* this is what happens to my hands... (this has been going on for years... nothing new)

Walking up the stairs has always been tough but I feel the pain on the 3rd step now instead of the 6th... and we have 18 in our house.

I have pain in my legs while laying in bed and nothing I do elevates the pain, except a massage from my great husband. My speech will get slurred occasionally. My muscles so weak they wobble and shake. Limited reflexes make my feet feel weird when I walk. I never had problem with headaches... until now. I am pretty sure they are stemming from the weakness in my neck so if I veg out on the couch I can quickly feel better. However... I have 2 young children so that only lasts for a few minutes at a time. Anthony will tell me to just lay down and take a nap. Somehow he is able to take a great power nap when he's with the kids. I have no idea how the kids don't ask for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or need help in the bathroom in those 20 minutes. He has even been successful in getting Wyatt (our 4 year old) to fall asleep with him!

So, recently I have spent much of my time laying down or sitting in my new zero gravity lawn chair watching the beautiful life around me. Hopeful that soon I will feel better and be able to take this experience and grow so much from it. I am so grateful for the support that I have, yet I still have a very hard time asking anyone for help. I know that I will be needing it more in the future and I don't want to burn anyone out.

We must enjoy every moment we have... like I have said before, we don't know what our future holds. Make today your best day ever! Live in the moment! Be aware of what is going on around you right now. Instead of daydreaming about the future or the past, open your eyes to what is right now. This is what we have and it is beautiful. I am grateful when the kids snap me out of a daydream because it brings me back to now, the most important time. Everyone can get through a moment and before you know it you will have conquered something huge.

I will continue to climb the stairs for I know there is a beautiful view at the top.

"Once you choose hope, anything is possible"

~Christopher Reeves