This here is Jazzy.
I know she isn't very sexy but she helps me get around when my legs decide to turn into Bambi or Ariel, the Little Mermaid. Those characters look much cuter when their legs give out, I just look like a klutz.
She is on loan from some very wonderful friends of ours who recently lost their mom to ALS.
She's been great for the whole family. I am so happy my kids are not at that awkward age where they are embarrassed about their mom riding in one of these. Instead they are proud, excited and always wanting a ride on my lap. They know that with this, I can go places now.
I on the other hand am grateful to have it but I HATE that I need it. There is a certain stigma associated with people in wheel chairs. It means you are sick or not able. At least that is what healthy, able people think. That is what I used to think. I would see someone in a wheel chair and know that something was wrong. I can easily hide that something is wrong with me because on the outside I look very healthy. But now I can't hide it. It doesn't really fit my style. I was a mom that would run around with her kids and had such an active lifestyle. I need that back. When I'm in it, I feel great but if I catch a glimpse of myself in a reflection I get so emotional. I want so badly for this to be temporary but am really fearful that it won't.
Planning for our future has really changed. It used to involve sailing the world (my husbands dream not mine) traveling the states (my dream) playing with grandchildren, enjoying an active life. Now are plans for the future consist of who will be able to help with the children, who will be able to help with me, will the kids end up having this same disease? What does the next 6 months hold? The next year? The next 5, 10 years?
Our future is unknown, but everyones future is unknown. We have no idea what the next moment holds, so we live. We live with love, we live with joy. I will ride Jazzy around with pride knowing that she saves my energy. I will ignore the looks of pity and shine through, showing that it is ok for us to not all be the same. We are all different.