I push myself

From the title you are probably thinking I am going to write about how I push myself to do my best, do more, and go go go.  But that's not where I am going with it today.  I want to tell you a little about how I feel physically on a daily basis.

You know when you hold your breath for as long as you can and then breathe again but you sort of have to play catch up.  You become a little out of breath because you pushed yourself by holding your breath.  I get that when I talk too much.

You know when you have been out dancing until 3:00 a.m and your feet and legs are killing you?  All you want to do is take a warm shower and lay down to sleep for the next 12 hours?  You've pushed your body to the max.  I get that after standing for over 5 minutes at a time.  And then I start to feel nauseous because I've over done it.

You know when you skip breakfast and maybe even lunch and you get shakey?  You might feel like you are starving and just need to eat something?  That could happen in as little as 30 minutes after I eat.  My blood sugar has a mind of its own and I have no idea how to control it.
Some nights I'm afraid to fall asleep because when I close my eyes I see strobe lights and get a weird sensation throughout my body.  I've always woken up so really there's no need to be afraid.

My energy gets zapped out of me daily leaving me with the feeling of over doing it.  By the end of the day, when I am taking a hot shower or soaking in a warm tub I realize I have once again pushed myself.  Living my life with this chronic illness is exhausting but that's ok.  It's something that will stick around for a long time but it's also something I don't suffer constantly from.  I can't begin to tell you how lucky I am and how healthy I feel most of the time.  I have so many things that could be wrong but are not.  I wake up each morning feeling refreshed and ready to take on the next day and push myself through it.

Some days I feel great, and I live a real life.  This past Sunday, I felt GREAT!  We started our day with church and headed straight to the beach afterwards.  We met up with some wonderful friends and had such a great time.

 So. Cal in the winter = crowded beaches

We live.  We laugh.  And we love.